Order of Paladins

May Precept: Squire Aether



I have been utilizing Scout (created deity) to assist with this lesson. My childhood abuse created a warped sense of selfishness in my psyche that has thwarted conceptualizing Self-Discipline.

Much abuse was provided in my childhood that punished truthful action and words, standing up for myself, and healthy self care as laziness and selfishness, so that my abusers could get what they wanted and wield power.

Now, with a healed Scout, I’m able to more articulate Self-Discipline. Taking care of ourselves is important, and it’s different for each of us for we each have varied abilities and needs. For me, my Self-Discipline, in this conceptualization assignment, details performing Right Action as relates to my Altruism.

As I noted in our first Lesson, my wish to become a Paladin is to help meet my need of being effective in service. In the past, I can be correctly described as having been a Knee-Jerk Altruist; helping without thought. This caused me to be undisciplined and ineffective in utilizing my deep well of justice and compassion and enabling folks, which is the opposite of Right Action and true compassion.

My goal, in utilizing Scout, and in working on the tenet of Self-Discipline, is to create healthy boundaries for my Altruism, to be more effective in Right Action. The healthy boundaries include using other Chivalric Tenets, such as Truth (clear perception), which promotes effective Largesse.

I note that Knee-Jerk Altruism accidentally goes against the very Precept of Humility, for the desire to help without Clear Perception is ego based, for us to be of service instead of following Truth to what is required in the circumstances. I realize my ineffectiveness of service in the past was directly related to toxic trauma response, need for validation and attempting to create worth via generosity; ego not Humility, not true Largesse, not Right Action.

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